I went to the horseraces Saturday. I drank moonshine, won some dough, and was told the next day I told a devout Catholic that "Mary was a cock loving whore. And you know what, I love the cock too, that's what Mary and I have in common, we both worship the cock for our religion".

Right on.

I also made way too many phone calls (or so I'm told). You may or may not have been a victim of said phone calls. Either way, if you already clicked the link above, I still feel sorry for you.

Work blows ass. I forgot how shitty it is to sit in an office all day with a bunch of women that don't know how to NOT bitch about every little fucking thing that happens just to make their day go faster. I have an idea, instead of bitching about working, why don't you work and see how that goes. hmm?? This was why I left the environment in the first place.

I broke my toe, and it hurts like hell. My girls were upstairs in the bath screaming like banchees (wtf is a banchee anyhow?) so I had to go up and set them straight. On my way down I slipped with about 5 steps left and my foot went a-flying into my elliptical machine that sits at the bottom of the stairs.

This was the result of the collision.



Hot, I know.

But the most exciting news of my week is that construction has started on my new home. Next time I'm over I will be snapping some pics. I had told my brother in law (Scott) that the only request I had was for my shower to have some sort of ledge in it for me to prop my foot on when I shave my legs. In my parents house there is no ledge, and the stand up shower is quite small. So... I have to take a shower and THEN go up to their bathtub and shave my legs. My mom was over there Tuesday and the first thing in is my shower, and from what I hear it has TWO SEATS in it and I can't wait to use it!

HOLLER!

I started back to school yesterday, my schedule is as follows:


Not too bad, the hardest part will be making an awesome flash final from last quarter. I'm also sitting in on my professors class from 4-4:45 on Tues/Thurs until I'm done. I would also like to find something to replace that online English class, as I think it will suck balls. NTTAWWT. The beginning self defense class on Saturdays is actually Judo/Jiujitsu. I am pretty excited about taking it, but considering the news that is coming next in this blog post, I may have to drop that class.

I GOTS ME A JOB BITCHES!!!

Now, calm down. It isn't a spectacular job, or a job even remotely close to what I want to do. But, the pay is good, and the hours are MWF, and allow me to still take my kids to school in the morning. So, I took it. I will be your friendly neighborhood dental office receptionist. Right in the middle of the ghetto. At least I'll have no shortage of hook up offers.

The only catch to the job is that my BFF since the 6th grade not only will be working with me, but this biotch is gonna be my boss! (see pics from previous post, that is whom I speak of) I think it will be a good time. Heather and I respect each other enough to know the boundaries... I THINK.

Thursday night I'm off on an over night field trip with Maya to the Indianapolis Zoo. We are sleeping over night in the dolphin habitat, and I'm not gonna lie, mama is excited. There isn't much better than re-living your childhood thru your children! (ya I know, stfu)

Next on the agenda, it's crunch time. And I'm ready to roll. If any of you plurcai who aren't on the forum wanna get in on some betting (*cough* SCOTT *cough*) you are more than welcome!!!

I've been wanting to add on to this photo all month and keep forgetting. I've only lost 10-15lbs since my last pic, but I wanted to do one last update until July 1st. holler.

This picture is titled, "Where, O Where, Have My Boobles Gone".

I finished my quarter at school. Well, kinda.

I actually got an extension on my Flash final from my fantabulous professor (if there is a god, I hope she blesses that woman). I did finish my Director final, and have it uploaded to my web server if you would like to check it out.

There is an .osx file for the Mac goobers, and an .exe file for the PC goobers. Just FYI, this project was done on a Mac, and I noticed that the .exe file isn't quite right. A few of the fonts (altho embedded into the .exe file) are completely fuckered. So, don't be a hater and look at the fuckered fonts, just check out the interactivity. One last thing, both of the files have a little quirk on the FTP ad, and Ima laugh when you all click on it :)

Also, there is an "easter egg" hidden in the program and when/if you find it, it features Huckles von Chuckles.

My Director final consisted of creating a digital, interactive magazine DVD. I, of course, chose a poker magazine and here are some pics of my packaging.




So, I worked on that for a week straight, then went out Friday night to a comedy club here called The Funnybone. It was a good show with Tim Wilson, and after got sloshered with some friends.

A good old fashioned slosh is fun, till the next day when I had to do things like balance, and bend over during yoga. That didn't work out so well.

Anyhoodles, this week is loaded with job hunting and catch up work, fun fun fun for everyone. I finally got sick of looking at my hideous "T's Spot" graphic and took it down (if you hadn't noticed). Hopefully I'll get something more design savvy up this week.

After all these years, I still have first times. It is so awesome.

Thank the heavens for myspace. Else I'd get no firsts at all!!

Yesterday I received a friend request. I don't get many friend requests, so they always grab my attention. I'm not much of a myspacer for that matter, so any message from someone other than the pladies or my family grabs my attention.

I had no idea who the dude was, all it said was that his name was Coyne. So I asked "who the hell are you muthafucka??"

And this was his reply:

hello, you dont know me, I just thought you were good looking and thought I'd add you and say hello and see what you were like
what do you do? any kids?
me, im in the army, I have two boys, im in Iraq right now but ive been here since January 07 and Im getting ready to go home

I wonder if that line typically works on myspace.

no, wait... I MEAN TURTLES!!!

That is such a great word, IS. IT. NOT?! I hardly think any of you are prepared to argue that point with me at all.

So, I shall proceed.

I was at my sister's Friday night and my BFF, Heather, stopped by for dinner. She and I were discussing some of my "dates" as of late, and my brother-in-law seemed a bit shocked, so I thought I'd get it out there as not to shock anymore people.

I'm still "married", and I'm "seeing" other people. I use the terms in quotage lightly, just sayin'.

There, ya have it.

Next on the agenda, my fat ass.

February was a slow month for me, but I didn't gain any weight, so I'm glad about that. No steps backward = I'm still going forward. So, this month I am starting my journey to shedding my final poundages. By July 1st (the day I started in 2007) I want to be ~35lbs lighter than I am now, which would put me at a total weight loss of ~100lbs.

HOLY MCFUCKLESONS. Put your hatorade away.

Notice I am giving myself plenty of time to accomplish this, because I realize these last pounds (especially that last 10) are most likely gonna be a big ass bitch. Holler. And don't worry Sheila, ass soon as my jeans I have now don't fit, I'll be placing my custom couture order :)

Next on the agenda, finding someone to pay for my boob job. Wanna make another bet Sheila??? :)

Oh and PS - School is putting a big butt kickin' on me this quarter. I'm all bruised up, but if I ever have anything good to tell, you will be the first to know.

So first my married name...


But I always hated that name, so I tried my maiden name...


Then my favorite alias of my first and middle name...


Last but not least, IM K DUB BITCHES!