*warning the beginning of this post contains a bit of sarcasm*

I am nearly perfect, I realize this. But phenomena are known to occur in these parts, and some days my brain just overloads with “perfectness” and goes “idiot” on me.

Yesterday was one of those days.

I would just like to go on record as saying, those days suck.

It began at 7am, the normal wake up time when my girls were less than overjoyed to have to get out of bed. Maya finally tumbled out and started on her breakfast that I had to serve WATER with because my dear husband failed to get milk while we were out of town for 4 days. Pop tarts and water… mmm mmm mmm delish. It took over 15 minutes later I finally drag Anna out of bed and was all frustrated with her because while I was trying to get lunches made, her out of bed and coffee brewed I couldn’t find the lunch sacks AFTER I had made lunches and now had to track down lunch money. I couldn’t bring myself to just pack them in plastic grocery sacks; I guess I’m just not that ghetto. After cussing out the husband under my breath for failing to replenish the lunch sacks too, I saw out of the shadows of the wood cabinets, a bump, which turned out to be the lunch sacks. NH idiot.

This is when I realize it is Tuesday. Ya, you know, that day of the week that comes once a week. The day of the week since August Maya has been picked up by her grandma who works at her school that day, the day of the week Anna gets to sleep in a bit cause her school starts 30 mins later than Maya’s. So, I had been skitso mommy for no reason… nh idiot.

But surely I can get the kids dressed right. I have to fight Anna who keeps trying to whine to me about something, but of course we have a rule that Mom doesn’t listen to whining. It takes her till I have her completely dressed in her uniform to quit whining when she finally spits out what she was trying to tell me “I have gym today mommy, I have to wear my gym clothes”. NH idiot.

I finally get Maya off with my mom, with a lunch and drive Anna to school, in her correct clothes with a lunch.

I had school at 10am which means a departure time of 9:30, and since I had a brazillian little things to get done before I showered I was in a bit of a rush. I get home from dropping off Anna (at least I took her to the right school) and start on some phone calls, and getting the kitchen cleaned up when a call beeps in around 8:40. I should have let it go, but I answered it.

Mind you I’m already running late, I’ve already come to peace with the fact that this will be a quick shower and sparse make-up to get to class on time. Also remember, that I don’t have a strong liking for Anna’s teacher because she is so anal. And of course it’s Anna’s teacher on the phone:

Me: Hello.

Her: Mrs. White?

Me: Yes.

Her: This is Miss. Sharpe.

Me: Oh, Hi.

Her: Anna is in her gym clothes.

Me: I know, it’s gym day. (wtf is this bitch whining about now)

Her: We have a field trip today, and she has to be in uniform. She wasn’t at school yesterday so you didn’t get the note that went home.

Me: Well I’m about to leave for school and I can’t get it to her, so she will just have to go in her gym uniform. (how the f am I supposed to know this?)

Her: Well, we sent home a note last week too. She can’t go if she’s not in uniform.

Here’s where my idiot brain starts to go thru the information I have and this is what it knows:

• I could call my dad and ask him to take it to her, but he’s pry at work.
• If I’m over 15 mins late to class I will be marked absent whether I show up or not.
• If I drive her uniform to school I will be at least 30 mins late to class.
• WTF?!?! She’s in a school uniform, just not her dress, what is this ho’s major malfunction.

Her: Hello, Ms. White??

Me: Ya, I’m here, I’m trying to figure out a solution… what are you going to do with her if she can’t go?

Her: Someone will have to pick her up.

Me: When are you leaving?

Her: In five minutes.

(well thanks for the damn notice)

Me: Well, I’ll have to figure something out, I’ll call you back.

CLICK

Now mama is pissed.

I do the drill and call my dad, he is at work. And now my idiot brain is not only in idiot mode, but in pissed mama mode, and it figures that if I’m going to be absent to my class anyhow and they will have left for the trip by the time I got there, I may as well just go pick her up. My dad will be home by 11:30 and can watch her in time for my 1pm class.

So, I go to her school, they haven’t left, they aren’t even ready to leave, and mama is more pissed. There are THREE other kids in their gym uniforms too!! So I snatch Anna out of her class and get her book bag and leave.

Of course Anna is crying cause she’s not going on her field trip and her idiot mother didn’t bring her uniform with her just in case they hadn’t left yet. So I take her home, give her candy and let her ride her bike and play w sidewalk chalk.

So, now I have to email my Illustrator instructor and let him know I’m not going to be there and attach my assignment that is due so I don’t get a zero on that. I get in my bag to get my USB drive and its not there. I check a few other bags, purses etc since we had been on a trip, nada. I realize I must have left my brand spankin new FOUR GIG usb drive in a computer on Thursday at school. Which means my brand new FOUR GIG usb drive is now someone else’s.

I redo my illustrator work and get the email off to the prof. I send out two other emails to the profs that would have had my usb drive turned into them, had it been turned in. But my usb drive had all my school work on it, including the photoshop assignment I was going to finish on my 1.5 hour break that day. I’m so screwed.

I proceeded to not turn in my city taxes, sit on hold w the dentist office for 28 minutes only to get up from the speaker phone to get my dogs to quit barking, forgetting I was on hold, and when I come back , they had answered finally, and hung up. So I sat on hold for another 26 mins when I called back.

I was somewhat pacified by the fact that at least I would have time to leave early for school and bet my Foam Core for our project in Design 3D, until I forgot about that too, and ended up leaving late. Then I proceeded to drive to school instead of the art store, and turn around to go get my foam core. (which btw, we didn’t even use in class)

Finally, I’m on my way home. I’m exhausted. I have no radio on, I’m not talking on the phone, but my idiot brain is in some other world because when it comes back to the world of driving a vehicle it sees that it is going full speed into a white work van that is at a complete stop in front of it, about 40 feet away. I slam on my brakes and realize I’m not going to stop in time, so I turn up on the curb (or fly as the case may be) and get out alive and safe. I was so lucky. I was on a main street with poles all along the side, but where I went on the curb was a driveway, with no one walking thank goodness.

Today I’m just happy that day is over, and I can return to my perfect self.

Labels: kids, life